The English respond to the French with a desert – The Trifle tower Because Napoleon liked the Black-eyed Peas – The Arch de she-humps If moved to Portugal – The leaning tower of Siza When designed by nerds – The hanging gardens of Babylon 5 If Egypt smack-talked – “Great pyramids of Giza”, or is it “the Greatest pyramids of … Read More
10 ways you annoy rich people
you know you probably do: . You know the difference between veneer and solid wood, but you don’t give a shit. You did not sign the check. You are watching Mad Men because the redhead is hot. You are blocking the view. Why are you looking at me? You are wearing a jersey on the Jersey shore. You just used … Read More
Thank you Public Plaza
. Thank you public plaza, for being so unnecessarily spacious, and for allowing me to park so far away from the entrance. I probably needed to walk that extra 30 minutes during my lunch hour on my way to the DMV. Thank you public plaza, for changing levels occasionally, just to keep me alert. Thank you public plaza, for your simple paving pattern articulated … Read More
Architects need a good slogan
I’ve got it! Sure, we’ve been struggling as a profession lately. Yeah, the economy has hit us hard. People have needed to re-think their priorities, and Architecture hasn’t made the list. But, I think all we need is a good ad campaign. Am I right? A snappy slogan could be just the thing we need to revitalize this profession. Hell, … Read More
Dear Design Studio
Dear Design Studio, Why are you so cold? Do the maintenance people turn down the thermostat when they go home for the day on purpose to keep us lethargic? Are you hanging meat in here? And what is that sound? Is that ass in the art studio across the atrium banging an 8 foot by 12 foot wooden frame together at … Read More
Oath of Modernism
I, modernism, being of sound mind and having a firm understanding of what should be, do solemnly swear to ignore the needs of poor people and democrats. I, modernism, will not knowingly or unintentionally promote the excessive ornamentation favored by the nostalgic and simple-minded. I, modernism will remain pure, and separate, loosening my tie, only after a few drinks, or … Read More
Beat Poet Architect for the Working Man
*solo bass begins – pensively* The Architect steps out from the shadows *clinking of drinks* . . The working man will begin from a square, with four equal sides of a life that ends in pain and isolation with 2 long views framing a vista into the depths on the lonely landscape of a wrecked economy that will be barren, like the bottom … Read More
Because I’m an Architect
Because I’m an Architect, I will spend years refining the design of my own home. It will be an elegant representation of my hard learned design philosphy. It will be innovatively conceived, yet ultimately unbuilt. Because I’m an Architect, I will glare at you when you suggest we go to Red Lobster for dinner. Because I’m an Architect, I will buy … Read More
The Ideal Client
. The ideal client should have a highly refined palate, insist on the finest appliances, and not cook. They should wear dark clothes, stand at the edge of the room, looking out the windows, considering the Architecture, pensively. They will appear “blurred” in all photographs, as if moving, and dynamic. The ideal client should value form over function. unless noted … Read More
Dear Mr. Architect, Please advise
Dear Mr. Architect, I would like to clarify a few things that you may have misunderstood during the design process. Please don’t get me wrong. In general we are very pleased with the house, ummm, I mean… “living-experiment”, (Did I get that right?) We’re just a little concerned about our marriage. Granted, we said we wanted an “open” and “airy” … Read More
Crank call an Architect
Tomorrow is “Crank call an Architect Day”. It seriously is. I, in no way, have made that up. So, tomorrow when you get to work, pick up the yellow pages and turn to the “A’s”. Then throw the yellow pages in the recycling bin, because… you know, we have the internet now, and then just google “Architect’s in “insert your … Read More
4 inch diameter toddler heads
Recent advancements in Genetic Engineering may lead to drastic improvements in handrail design. . . Scientist in Norway have genetically altered the DNA of toddlers resulting in a minimum of 4″ diameter heads. Additionally, by splicing the Y chromosone, Toddlers can be prevented from climbing ladders. Architects around the world have already started redesigning handrails. “Finally, we can use horizontal tension rods for the handrails without … Read More