Snippets of Angst

failwhale-arch

If you follow me on Twitter, then you should completely ignore this. Because you’ve probably read this before. Because, I assume that everyone who follows me on Twitter voraciously hangs on my every tweet. I also imagine myself as being taller on twitter. Furthermore, I like to imagine myself as a Nordic god, standing on the edge of a craggy outcropping next to a frozen fjord while I tweet, majestically, spouting 140 characters of angst-laced wisdom into the icy wind.

This is also how I do the architecture.

Anyway.

Today, I spent a few minutes reading through my recent tweets, and I’m sensing a theme. It’s not a particular positive theme, but it is a theme. I can only assume that Twitter has become some form of therapy for me. Which is the way the Nordic Gods intended.

So, here’s a few of my latest snippets from the twitter verse. Feel free to follow me, or unfollow me as required: –>UNFOLLOW ME HERE

You know that old Hollywood saying that you should never work with children or animals? Also true of Architects.

We just need you to slap some design on it.

We should start doing architecture in 3d.

I need to start wearing an athletic cup to these design review meetings.

I’m beginning to think Frank Gehry is on to something, or bat-shit crazy. Could be both.

2×4′s are actually 1 1/2″ x 3 1/2″ mainly because they were designed by men.

There is no problem that architecture can’t make more complicated.

You know what? How ’bout I just issue a sheet of paper that says “building as per contractor” and leave you all to sort it out?

“Don’t spend any time on it, but could you just draw up a few options for us to review?” Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Why Is tempered glass so angry?

Dude. We should totally use more cork.

I designed a house addition in 8 hours. It only took me 25 years to be able to do that.

Oh 1970s concrete parking structure, why must you look so rape-y?

How many LEED APs does it take to unscrew an incandescent lightbulb?

Revit, I’d kick your ass, but I’d have to sync to central first, which takes too long, plus, I’d have to build an ass family first.

Architecture is about making choices. Like “paper or plastic?” But on a larger scale and the bags are mostly empty.

They say “those that can’t do, teach.” But in architecture, I think it’s “those that can’t meet deadlines and/or budgets, teach.”

Sees architecture enter the room, spreads arms out and says “come at me bro.”

One should only use circles when designing wagons.

All Friday deadlines are actually due Monday morning, because your client probably wasn’t going to work this weekend anyway. #protip

I say we build this shit. Who’s with me?

Option B was meant to be ironic.

In design, as in life, there is right and there is wrong. And, there is expensive shit that is awesome but doesn’t really work.

Hey remember when we got really drunk and started reproducing all those historical details out of styrofoam? I know right? We were so wasted.

Does this building make me look fat?

Thank god no one is paying attention to these drawings.

From now on every building I design will include a Dr. Who reference.

I am the “Fox News” of architecture. “Fair and balanced.”

I just read the last section of the spec. I can’t believe it. The building dies at the end.

I need to stop doing architecture for a few hours while I have some dental work done. So, no change really.

I’m pretty sure Philip Johnson was a “never-nude”

Does anyone know the spec section for caffeine?

No, I am not esoteric. On a completely unrelated topic: I once named a cat after Claude Ledoux.

I’m going to start a new architecture firm and call it DuWat iSaid Atelier.

Repeat after me: “I will do what my architect says. I WILL do what my architect says. I will DO what my architect says. I will. I will.”

Order is over-rated. On a related note, make that sh#t line up or I’ll cut you.

Birds are nature’s architects…. Discuss.

Engineers are just like architects. Except that they’re wrong, and they get to go home at 5:00.

Off to meet with the building permits department. If I’m not back in 2 hours, someone come and wake me.

I’m worried my contractor may take “punch list” literally. again.

Behind all great architecture is a great contractor. To blame.

This font sucks.

Of course you can use different materials. That 50 page construction document set is really just a “suggestion” of what you could “build”.

I add dimensions to the drawings mainly to see if you’re paying attention.

“I’m pretty sure that Revit is some kind of punishment for something horrible I did in a former life.”

Beige is not a color. It’s a cry for help.

Design is about limiting choices while giving the impression of freedom.

Architecture needs more cowbell.

“Just spec the one that costs more” Me, every time I write a specification.

I said “install it” not “smear mortar on it”.

I have a deadline [insert every day always and all the freakin time]

My opinion is better than yours….And I’m wrong.

I was going to explain the fundamentals of this design concept to the client. Then I realized neither of us really care.

Corbu was the honey badger of architecture.

Remember, every time you specify polished brass, a puppy dies.

Sure, I could move that. But then it wouldn’t align with that. And then I’d have to kill you.

Design options are a sign of weakness. And they waste paper. Which kills trees. Do you hate the environment?

I’m pretty sure Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t have done the door schedule this way.

Minimalism is the little black dress of architecture.

Wait, Modernism is the little black dress of architecture… Minimalism is the flesh toned unitard of architecture.

You know what grids are? FREAK’N IMPORTANT, that’s what.

Great design is about removing everything that isn’t needed. … Wait, is this is why we aren’t being paid?

From now on when someone asks me if they should become an architect. I’m going to say “ah hellz yeah.”

When a client refuses to pay my final invoice, I change all their room signage fonts to Comic Sans.

Also, all future over-due invoice notices will be written in tears.

I may need a hug,

J