Dear Sprinkler Head

Dear Sprinkler Head,

There were two recessed can lights in the middle of the white ceiling perfectly centered on the window looking out to the ocean before you got here. The window is in the center of the east wall of the room. If you happened to look down at the floor you might have noticed a supply vent for the air conditioning. But, probably not. It’s a linear diffuser recessed just under the base trim precisely centered under the window.

There are 15 rows of 12″ marble floor tiles across the width of the room. 15, exactly 12″ each. None of them were cut. NONE OF THEM. That’s 15, 12″ marble tiles. Across a 15′ wide room. Not 14′-9″, No. 15′-0″. We did that so we wouldn’t have to cut the floor tiles at all. That means the framer had to space the studs exactly 15′-2 3/4″ apart from each other, so after we put the 5/8″ gypboard on the walls and added the 3/4″ mahogany base trim we would have EXACTLY 15′-0″ for the 15, 12″ marble tiles. Those were imported tiles, from Norway.

The bed is placed on the exact center of the West wall. The EXACT center. I measured. The electrician even centered the outlets under the side tables that flank each side of the bed so the power cord from the lamps would run directly down the wall. There are three pillows on the bed. The center pillow is a slightly darker shade of white.

The ceiling that you are on, is perfectly white. It’s a clean, simple, perfectly smooth surface. It’s a level 5 gypboard finish, which is hard to do. It’s a good ceiling.

Well, it was. Until you, my dear sprinkler head, decided to rest your lazy ass 17 1/2″ to the left and 4 1/4″ in front of the recessed can light towards the left side of the room.

Screw you sprinkler head.



Jody Brown





photo by cbcastro (cc 2.0)


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