Very Model of a Modern Architectural

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Ok people…Take your places. This is the final dress rehearsal before tonight’s performance. Devon, Trevor, Justin – places please. Javier, the turtleneck, please put it on, no one needs to see your pecks. Justine, stop fidgeting. C.K. Howell? are you ready? Ok, from the top.

Lights!

Music swells….

THE ARCHITECT (bi-speckled and aloof):

I am the very model of a Modern Architectural,
I’ve information linear, ordered, and heirarchical,
I know Christopher Wren, and I make facades symmetrical
From ancient Greek and Roman too, my order’s categorical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About discontinuity, I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many angsty facts about T-squares and the hypotenuse.

CHORUS (all dressed in turtlenecks):
With many angsty facts about T-squares and the hypotenuse.
With many angsty facts about T-squares and the hypotenuse.
With many angsty facts about T-squares and the hypotenuse.

THE ARCHITECT (looking off into the distance):
I’m very good at drawing things and talking about harmony;
I know the fancy names of all my architectural terminology:
In short, in matters balanced, asymetrical, and spatial,
I am the very model of a modern Architectural.

CHORUS (tapping their T-squares to the rhythm):
In short, in matters balanced, asymetrical, and spatial,
I am the very model of a modern Architectural.

THE ARCHITECT (pulling glasses off his face dramatically):
I know my Design history, From Corbu to rusted shipping boxes,
I’ve passed many hard exams, I have a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in passioned tone all the crimes of Deconstructivist,
But in economic hardship I can only stand and wave my fists;

CHORUS (waving fists manically):
But in economic hardship I can only stand and wave my fists;
But in economic hardship I can only stand and wave my fists;
But in economic hardship I can only stand and wave my fists;

THE ARCHITECT (hand on heart):
Then I can write a snarky blog with wryly comic overtones,
And tell you ev’ry detail of the measure of my student loans:
In short, in matters balanced, asymetrical, and spatial,
I am the very model of a modern Architectural.

CHORUS (kick, 2, 3, pivot):
In short, in matters balanced, asymetrical, and spatial,
I am the very model of a modern Architectural.

THE ARCHITECT (hands on waist, looking off to the horizon):
In fact, when I know what is meant by “datum” and “dychotomy”,
When I can tell at sight an Alvar Aalto from a Venturi,
When such affairs as parties and public speeches I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “we just don’t like that”,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern designery,
When I know more of tactics than a intern in a nunnery–
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy,
You’ll say a better Modern-Architect has made me fill with glee.

ALL (running wildly and aimlessly about stage):
You’ll say a better Modern-Architect has made me fill with glee.
You’ll say a better Modern-Architect has made me fill with glee.
You’ll say a better Modern-Architect has made me fill with glee.

THE ARCHITECT (pensively):
For my design knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters balanced, asymetrical, and spatial,
I am the very model of a modern Architectural.

CHORUS:
But still, in matters balanced, asymetrical, and spatial,
I am the very model of a modern Architectural.

The one lone engineer in the audience at the dress rehearsal begins to clap…slowly.

<awkward>

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YouTube Link to Major General

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cover photo from clubjuggler’s photostream on Flickr (used under Creative Commons License)