A few things I should not say to Thomas Jefferson

A few things I should not say to Thomas Jefferson:

I swear, you just sit there all day in that drawing room, re-writing the declaration of independence on that “duplicating machine” It’s a pencil tied to another pencil with a stick, I don’t care how many times you call it a “duplicating machine”, it’s still lame.

For God’s sake, stop writing letters to John Adams people are starting to get ideas. Next thing you know you’ll both die on the 4th of July and spend eternity in heaven as founding father BFF’s.

I know, all the bricks at Monticello were hand-made in kilns erected on site just for that purpose. Big deal, did you know we invented the internet? Come to think of it, that may be how I knew that. I also know that you spent time in France and you look nothing like Nick Nolte. Public education has worked wonders for me. You had something to do with public education right? Think about that for a minute. 

Seriously, what’s with the wig? and the tights? and the slaves?

Right, the Greeks did something awesome, the Romans added wine and bathing to it, then the French decided to replicate it with gold leaf and Louis the XIV, and now your doing it again, only the columns don’t really line up. How is that Revolutionary?

Are we allowed to walk directly across the lawn, or are we supposed to side-shuffle like a crab so we’re ALWAYS facing west? It’s a lot of pressure, this New Order of a New Country and all.

Statesman, Writer, Artist, Poet, Inventor, Philosopher, Farmer, Architect… Dude, just pick ONE and stop half-assing it.

sorry…, too soon?


photos from Wetsun’s photostream and Crazytales562’s photostream on Flickr (used under creative commons license)